Literary Fitness: Summer edition, five ways to be healthier using books
1. Book bell squats Essentially, this serves two purposes. The first is that you can feel like you are being adulty and exercising and the second is that you get to accurately and quickly understand the weight of your books thus helping you stack them in order of weight on your shelves. Gone are the days of alphabeticising things, that's so not hip. Now we order them by weight. It's fab. Here's all you need to do. Squat. As you squat swing your book down and through your legs, feel the weight of the book. Embrace the weight. Judge the weight. Nod, safe in the knowledge you are an expert at weighing books just by holding them. Set the book down. Alternatively, just flick through the book, laugh occasionally, muse, consider, cry, read a bit more and oh look we've finished the book better get another one and sit down because why are we standing rn anyway.
2. Bouncy reading For this, you will need a) a trampoline or b) just the general bounciness you get when your favourite book arrives in the post. Grab a book, hold it tightly to your chest. Bounce. Repeat until either a) sick or b) you realise there are other books in the post you'd really like to also look at. NB: you can also write will bouncing but this is super hard pro III plus material and must only be attempted in the company of other qualified bouncy writers because your eyeballs could theoretically fall fall out or something idk.
3. Character suspension This one is super easy, and super fun. First lie down on a matt bed or comfy couch. Okay, are we there? Good, now grab a book. Lying down, raise the book away from you at arm's length. Open the book. Now read chapters one to three without setting the book down or moving those arms. Congrats! You are now exercising your arms and your eyesight! Look at those muscles growing! Look at those eyes straining! This is A+ exercise* How do you think Captain America got all those muscles?? Hmm? Actually by science but also he probably read books.
4. Shock treatment Okay this one is for the go getters and the busy people. This one is when you have forty seven books to read and review and not a moment to waste! Lie down in a comfortable area. Open a book, read said book, every time you find yourself not enjoying the book in the manner you thought you would sit straight up in horror/excitement/confusion. Sometimes people call these crunches or whatever but we will call these 'surprise sittings' and once your reach ten you get to take a break from reading because we're here to have fun not to die from crunching. Remember: the important part here is to pull a face of complete shock as you sit up because we are really trying to exercise those face muscles not just like whatever crunches exercise idk.
5. Read outside If there's one thing I know it's that being outside it's important when it comes to looking like you are a healthy person. Gone will be the pasty white hue of the winter reading sessions! Hello slight tan that you will claim comes from reading outside but which may or may not just be tea slathered on your arms because idk outside can be scary and wildlife gets all up in your face and then it becomes hard to read at all or to have butterbeer while reading so why not just stay inside. Ahhhh yes. Inside.
What book exercises do you do over summer? How do you stay healthy? Honestly, I mostly just pretend to stay healthy while sticking to a solid diet of chocolate and tea.
* it probably isn't I am not a qualified excerciser