10 Ways To Spice Things Up In The Bedroom: Book Edition

It seems to me that in the literary world the most often complained about thing, besides diminishing paper supplies and misuse of apostrophes, is how slowly things move.

I beg to differ. To an outsider things might seem to move gently, almost at glacier speed, but having been on the edge of this world for a while now there is an awful lot of frantic paddling going on beneath the relaxing eddies on the surface that you see online.

The thing about slow things is sometimes people get bored. Sometimes people need help a mixing it up. No shame in that. I have tonnes of thoughts on the subject. Allow me to share some ideas on how to spice le bedroom up when it comes to this area!


In your bedroom

1. Rotate books: there’s nothing more exciting than jumping from a western historical novel straight into the depths of a space opera, bask in the confusion of leaping from a high speed chase straight into some prose about an alien botanical centre, excellente.

2. Read a newspaper: this will allow you to both catch up on the days events, make sure the world is still happening, and keep warm in those winter months, it will also save on heating bills, as writers we are nothing if not slightly practical when the mood strikes us.

3. Rotate more books: try juggling three at once, trust me this will be hilarious, if you can also video this I’m sure you’ll thank yourself later.

In your characters’ bedroom

4. Make the bed made of marshmallow: I can’t even count the number of ways this will clearly forward any plot.

5. Let your characters sleep in zero gravity with, perhaps, a few bouncy pandas for company: I think this speaks for itself, QED.

6. The bedroom now thinks it is a public library, discuss.

In other people’s bedroom

7. Take some lovely bright lipstick, find the nearest mirrored surface, leave threatening messages from the chamber of secrets: in a modern day setting how is this not relevant? your friend/neighbour/loved-one/enemy will either think this is a hilarious prank, a wonderful geek out, or a terrifying turn of events, spice! I tell you! Spice!

8. Hide in a cupboard, leap out and interpretively dance your way into a Boggart impression: HECK YEAH.

9. Create personalised bookmarks and leave them in important points in all their books: they will love you forever, I’ll wager they’ll spent lengthy nights trying to find a book/newspaper/printed menu in their room that you haven’t read and managed to live-comment remotely about, in short you will be legend-dary.

In a Writer’s bedroom

10. Scatter words across a pillow, leave punctuation marks in-between the covers, and clad yourself in the wonder of books.

How do you spice things up?